Africa Part 1 of 10

OK, as promised, I am going to post some backwash stuff so that anybody who has extra time can spend it here. I will start out with my 2004 Africa trip, It is very long so I am going to break it up into sections, enjoy...

So, today is July 14, 2004, just three weeks before I leave for Kenya, Africa.
The official language of Kenya is Swahili. Now, like most Americans, I have not had much use for anything Swahili, albeit, a fun word to pronounce. But, I now find myself inneed of at least basic communication skills. Currently, I only know the following:

Jambo -> Hello (Rhymes with Mambo, not with Rambo)

Tafidhali -> Please

Asante Sauna -> Thank You

Wapi Choo -> Where is the Toilet? (Rhymes with 'sloppy joe', hey....wait a minute, I hope that isn't any indication of the bathroom conditions.)

Ummmmmmm -> Ummmmmmmm (I have a feeling, I will use this one the most)

Sure, that covers the bare minimum, but I think there are some other phrases that may come in handy. Such as:

-> Excuse me, is that your water buffalo?
-> Eeeuw, did you have that pierced by choice?
-> Are you going to eat that or just let it crawl off your plate?
-> Coke, you know, soft drink..., Coca-Cola? Oh never mind, I guess I'll take the cow blood.

I will know just enough to know nothing. So, in the event that I board the wrong plane or the wrong bus full of livestock, I may have a problem getting back to Kenya from, say, South Africa. I would have to find someone who knew a bit more English than I know Swahili. The conversation would go something like this:

South African Dude: Jambo

Me: Jambo, Ummmm, Uh, I'm lll...I'm lll... OK, OK, I'm LOST. Speak English tafidhali?

Dude: I Speak little English.

Me: Sweet. Umm I'm lost, can you tell me how to get back?

Dude: Ya, you tell me where you want to go, I can help you.

Me: Kenya.

Dude: Ya, but you have to tell me where you want to go. Then I can tell you how to get there.

Me: Kenya.

Dude: Yes, I can, but not if you don't tell me where you want to go.
[So at this point, I would figure that anywhere close would do. Tanzania, Uganda, Ethiopia, Masai Mara. So I trya different angle:]

Me: Ummmm, Uganda, Mara.......

Dude: Well, yes, I am gone tommorra, so if you want help, ask today.
ETC, ETC....

On second thought, maybe I need to learn a few more Swahili words. Like maybe 'phone booth' or 'are you hearing the words that are coming out of my mouth?' or 'embassy'.

Another thing, here, we are used to a certain type of road kill, opossum, skunk, maybe an occasional raccoon or domestic animal.So, it is not too uncommon for us to see a dead animal on the side of the road, and see its skin a few feet away, with some sort of ooze between the two. But,... I wonder how long it takes a zebra, wildebeest or even a rhino to decompose on theside of the road. We are talking Jumbo road kill (Jumbo, not jambo).
So, I'm not exactly sure what our days will be like. I hear we will be helping out with a childrens vacation bible school. How do I control a bunch of kids in a class when I cannot talk to them? I am hoping to use the finger as a universal communication tool. No! Not that finger, the index finger! You know, point at them and give them kind of a tough squint along with a slight tilt of the head. Yeah, that should work.

Anyway, this should be a good time, and I hope to help as well as learn. Another thing I heard we should look forward to is painting a church. Well, who wouldn't look forward to that.What kind of paint do you use on dried mud anyway. Actually, in Kisumu, where we will be staying, they have some pretty normal buildings. Painting and helping in vacation bible school shouldbe enjoyable, maybe a bit awkward at times, but I can handle that.

Then we plan on venturing into the 'Bush' for a few days. From what I hear, there is not really a lot of bushes, in fact, there is not much of anything. But I guess I'd rather 'go to the bush' than 'go to the dead grass and weeds' or 'go to the barren wasteland'. This sounds to be a bit more unstructured, street and door-to-door evangelism type stuff. I hope to fade into the background (not too far though), and take pictures and eat granola bars or something. We will see how that part goes.

Again, I'm not exactly sure what it is that they eat out there. But, I have been told that it is impolite to refuse any food. Great. Is it polite to puke at the table? They could save the chunks and make soup. If I heave hard enough, from deep, deep down, they just may get some remnants of the tomatoes my mom made me eat as a kid, using the 'starving children in Africa' as an argument. Finally, they can have them! I also know that some tribes(Massai for example) drink cow blood. Ummmm, I don't think so. I'd rather have a V8....well, actually, that's kind of a toss up. I wonder if cow blood comes in different flavors. I can picture the scene now, it's about 5am in the Masai Mara (where the Masai live). A lone Masai warrior is up early and stumbles drowsily around the jumbo road kill to the blood shack... 'StarBloods'."Good morning, I'd like a grande, O-negative, double clot, witha shot of white cells, tafidhali."

Something is just not right about that. One of our differences I guess. Take a birdbath full of blood, for example, I'd callit a 'blood-bath', a Masai would call it a 'punch-bowl'. OK,enough about that, I'll just stick with the water. Wait, I can't drink the water.Ummmmm.

I am curious about a couple things. 1) Seeing how Kenya straddles the equator, I want to satisfy my scientific curiosity and see for myself if the toilet water swirls the opposite direction below that imaginary line. And to take it a step further, what happens if I flush a toilet directly over the equator. Of course, none of this will have any bearing in the Bush...no matter where I dig my toilet. 2) Will the Kenyans call me 'White Man' or 'American-African'

We hope to go to a game park for our final days in Kenya. For those of you (like myself), who find it hard to reference a game park and not be pun-ny: No, we don't expect to see theParker bros or anything from Hasbro, we're talkin' wild game!

This should be an experience like no other. Sounds like we will be there during the 'Great Wildebeest Migration'. The wildebeest are also called gnu, but you probably already 'gnu' that. This probably caused some grief in naming the whole spectacle. On one side of the tent, you had the liberal masai wanting to call it the 'Wildebeest Migration' and the other side of the tent, you had the conservatives pushing for 'Gnu Migration'. After some in-tents negotiations, both sides had upped the name appeal to 'The Great Wildebeest Migration' and 'The Gnu and Improved Migration', respectively. In the end, they all agreed on Wildebeest and drank blood together. Regardless of the name, millions of the mainplayers (wildebeest and zebra), along with misc predators along for the buffet of said animals and their young, take a yearly trek across the country and back, in search of greener pastures. It's a very treacherous journey, and many of them die. I would think that the smart ones would gno better by now. If they just stay put, the survivors will be back in afew months.

I am just starting to get my things together for the trip,and trying to figure out what I need before we leave. I started getting immunizations a few months ago. I got the Hepatitis A, I got the Hepatitis B, I got the typhoid and the yellow fever, I got the malaria, the rockin 'pneumonia and the boogy-woogy flu. So, the way I figure it, in the event of a major outbreak of anything, I will survive. Along with some cockroaches and possibly Keith Richards.

I have picked up my little travel size sunscreen (50spf), bug repellent (100% deet) and hand sanitizer (well, it's actually just sanitizer, I guess I will use it where ever it is customary to touch each other during a greeting).

Anyway, I just wanted to give everybody (or at least you people) a heads up and let you know I will be going soon. I am not really worried about where we are going, but am not looking forward to the travel back and forth. Each way will take just over 40 hours, with 5 flights each.I don't much like to fly, so with any luck, I will be seated somewhere behind the pastor so I can chug down some of those little airline drinks. Of course, on the last leg (Kenya Airways), they may serve their drinks in small viles. So, just pray that I get home safely and that Dionna can handle the kids (and the yardwork) while I'm gone.